Seeing spots

hey all!

{kh} here!

Yesterday was another hot day in Minneapolis. You would think that I would be used to it by now but the short break of fall-like temps wiped out any tolerance I had built for the heat. Come back cool air!

Last night a friend asked if I wanted to go out last minute. I thought long and hard about saying no. Mostly because it was so hot that I didn't want to put any effort into getting dressed. But then I got over myself and said yes. Here's what I wore:

 Jacket- Forever 21 (old)

Tank- Urban Outfitters (old)

Shorts- Target (somewhat recent but likely gone)

Shoes- Urban Outfitters (old)

I struggled with this outfit at first. I mean, the shorts are {very} short and I didn't know if I was comfortable showing so much leg. However, I have had them for quite some time and had not worn them. I was past the return date. I figured I would wear them just around the house but really wanted to wear polka-dots! Once I got outside and felt the heat, I knew I had made the right choice. Once it got a little cooler I was able to add the jacket which helped balance out how much skin I was showing.

Today temperatures are supposed to drop about 10 degrees. Woo!!

Stylish Friends

Hi, {SS} here.

Last night the bf (who does not like to have his picture taken, but will be appearing on the blog sometime in the near future... ahahaha) and I got together with some friends for a casual night of grilling and celebrating one of our friends' birthdays. It was the perfect temperature and we all had a great time relaxing with good food, good friends and even a good fire! As we sat around the fire I  snapped up some photos of my stylish friends, instagram style... and promised they would be today's blog post (they weren't as excited about that as I'd hoped they would be... ha):

{KD & AS with their dogs Bella and Piper}

{BD & DL}

"After all, {style} can be as simple as a smile... "

{AS & GK}

To quote the great John Lennon, "I get by with a little help from my friends..."

xo, SS

{ Defining Your Style }

** As Featured on Nelle Creations:: DIY Fashion **

Hi there! I'm {SS} over at My New Style Blog and I'm excited to be doing this guest post!

A lot of times people talk about wanting to be stylish, but that they're not quite sure how to go about attaining or defining their personal style. 

I've decided to compile a list of tips and tricks to help you define your own personal style.

{ Defining Your Personal Style }

{ Define Your Current Style: What's Working and What's Not? }

{ A peek into my TINY closet. }

Whether you like it or not, you already have a {style}, and before you can create your New Style (NS) you need to identify your current or Old Style (OS). Take a peek in your closet (remember to look in the back: there may be things hiding which could be great pieces to incorporate into your NS). As you look through your things ask yourself questions:  What do you love? What are your go-to outfits or pieces of clothing? Are there certain colors you're always attracted to? Do you like certain patterns or fabrics? Now what is it you don't love? Are their shirts with the tags still on them you just can't bring yourself to wear? Do you stray away from certain colors? Are you afraid to wear patterns?

You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn't worked.

Try approving of yourself and see what happens.

Louise L. Hay

Remember when you are trying to define your current style, that your style goes beyond just the clothes you wear. Clothes are simply a way to illustrate and embellish your style. Look at the art and artists you love, the music you listen to, the perfume you wear, the places you go over and over, the people you surround yourself with... these are all large parts of your style.

{ Find Inspiration } 

{ Source }

This is the fun part! When it comes to creating your NS (something we're always trying to do over at {MyNewStyleBlog}) one of the best parts is searching for inspiration. You can find inspiration in all sorts of places. Of course you can always search on websites like Pinterest or Weheartit for images to inspire you as well as look in pretty much any magazine or catalog to get ideas, but also look to unconventional places like antique stores, libraries, parks, museums, and architecture for inspiration you can incorporate into your own NS. When you're paying attention, you can find inspiration all over your world.


{ Create Your Own Style Board/Notebook }

{ Source } 

With all your inspiration searching you need a place to keep the magazine clippings, photos, sketches and words of wisdom you stumble upon. Personally, I have a binder that I use. I have clear sleeves to slip magazine pages or photos into and I also can add sketches on blank white paper. Though I haven't done it yet, I plan to stick photos of outfits I've worn and liked into the binder to remind me and give me ideas when I don't know what to wear. And if you prefer to do things virtually, have no fear... There are great sites like Pinterest and Polyvore where you can waste spend hours. Pinterest allows you to "pin" images and websites onto virtual themed "boards" that you can revisit and that your friends can view, and with Polyvore you can create collages of items you search for such as clothing, makeup, etc. I often use Polyvore to create theme boards which I can look back on for ideas.

{ Some of my Style Staples (sugar included?!)! }

{ Find your Style Staples } 

Whether it's the colorful bangles you love to wear with your watch, the spoon ring you got on vacation in college, the scarf you always tie around your neck, or the purse that's always at your side... these things began to be your signatures and people start to recognize them as part of you and your style. Make them YOURS and don't worry about following the trends or doing what everyone else does. Having your own style is all about being unique and embracing what you love. So, if you have your great grandmother's engagement ring that you love to wear, make it a Style Staple. Remember, your staples can change and evolve-- that's all part of the process! Have fun with it and don't be afraid to take some risks!





{ Determine What You Need Your Style To Do For You  }

{ Painting is not the time for pretty clothes! }

What do you do? Where do you work? Live? Play? Do you have animals or kids? Though I'm sure there are plenty of people who would disagree on this, I believe that practicality, and functionality are as important to your personal style as looking good is. That means you might not be able to pull off the latest trend or have the same style as someone you admire does, because it just won't work for you... but that's okay! I nanny and babysit a lot. Almost two years ago when I started with the family that I am still with, I learned the hard way that dressing up when you're caring for two infants and their older brother is not practical or smart (think spit-up, buttons being ripped off, baby food, markers, pen, etc...). It's taken me a while to figure out how to dress practically and appropriately without losing my sense of style but I finally have. I've also realized that some days it's okay to take a little break from being stylish.
Your style is yours and no one else's, so make it work for you, not someone else!

{ Source }

{ Create Style Goals & Take Risks }

It's fun to set style goals for yourself... Let's say you've seen a lot of pattern mixing that you love, but are a bit hesitant to do it yourself... start small by doing something like adding animal print shoes to an outfit with a striped shirt! Or maybe you want to wear dresses more but you don't think you "can": Try to wear a dress every day for a week... be creative; this may mean you have to wear leggings under a dress for a job that requires you to move around more, but that still counts! Figure out what you can do to adapt a certain style or trend you love in a way that works for you and your lifestyle. Set goals for yourself and do your best to follow through with them. You might find out you love pattern mixing or decide that even though you thought it wasn't practical for you to wear dresses, you can make it work after all and it's easier and more fun!

{ Don't Let Your Style Get "Stuck" } 

{ Source }

Even though you want to "define" your style don't limit it's definition. As your life evolves and changes you are certain to develop new interests and habits, so allow your style to change and evolve as well. I'm not saying you should constantly be changing your style to follow all the latest trends and fashions, but don't be afraid to incorporate something new to your style from time to time as you see fit. Let your personal style be a learning curve, let it be fun and exciting, not tiresome and challenging. Your style can be as simple or complex as you want it to be and just because it changes often doesn't mean it's not still your "style".



{ Remember: It's Not About The Money } 

{ Doing a little second-hand shopping! }

Despite what many people will tell you, you don't have to spend a fortune to update your style or be "stylish". Use what you have in different ways. Do your favorite jeans have a hole in the knee? Turn them into cut-offs! Did the dress you love shrink in the wash? Wear it as a tunic with leggings and tall boots. If you do want to add new clothes to your closet, shop thrift, outlet or second hand stores or websites, or have clothing swaps with friends. You can also save a lot of money by waiting to buy things until they are on sale or out of season when you can get them for discounted prices.

And remember, to be CONFIDENT!!

Confidence is captivating, it is powerful,
and it does not fade-- and that is endlessly more interesting than beauty.
Nina Garcia

I hope these tips and ideas help you along your way to creating your {New Style}. Have fun!

Fashion fades, {style} is eternal.

Coco Chanel

xo, SS
http://mynewstyleblog.blogspot.com
https://www.facebook.com/mynewstyleblogkk

Body Positive

{KH} here!

So, my semester is DONE! Yay!

I wrote this post for Be Body Positive Day {August 5} but was a little too scared to share. Today, I don't feel so scared!


 

I know this blog is supposed to be all about "our new style" but today is too important of a day to let pass by without saying something.

Today is Be Body Positive Day.

I have been thinking about this post for a few days now and debating whether or not I should write it. See, I don't love to self-disclose a ton about myself {counselor stuff}. But, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it.

As women {and increasingly men}, we are taught that our bodies aren't 'good enough'. We are either too fat, too flat, too curvy, or just not 'right'. These messages are everywhere- magazines, movies, television, the Internet...you name it. Children younger and younger are being impacted by this {read this horrifying article about 'Tweens with eating disorders}. Part of the reason I don't post as much is because my semester is coming to a close and I have been working on a rather large research project. I have been researching adolescents with co-occuring chemical dependency and eating disorders and designing a specialized treatment track. Here is something I found:

    Parents’ dieting behaviors and negative comments regarding their own bodies are     positively correlated with their children’s elevated feelings of body dissatisfaction. For example, in girls as young as five, the development of awareness and ideas regarding dieting were predicted by their mother’s dieting behaviors.

(Clemency & Rayle 2010)

Five. Five year-olds shouldn't be worrying about  aware of diets. They should be playing with their friends and talking about how they want to be the president. They should be laughing and giggling and dreaming up adventures in far away lands. Not dieting!

Every time I read that quote I just feel emotionally heavy. I have been there. I remember growing up and hearing my mother talk about weight and dieting. Not because she is a bad parent but because she doesn't fit what society tells us is beautiful. But she is beautiful. My mom is so kind and thoughtful. She works hard and did a darn good job raising me.

Yet I was always aware. I hit my growth spurt early on so I was usually taller than everyone  in my class. I was closer in height to my teachers than most of my peers. From early on, I was aware that I was different. I remember an adult neighbor, jokingly, calling me Shaquille O'Neal. It may have been a joke to him but it felt really bad. Big bird was another nickname I seemed to be getting a lot. I became painfully aware of being different.

I was also not the thinnest kid on the block. So not only was I tall, I was "chubby". I wore bigger sizes than all of my friends and looked different. I remember having a birthday sleep over in fourth grade and ordering pizza. I ate a piece and one of my 'friends' called me a 'pig'. I remember putting the piece down and going into the bathroom and crying the rest of the night. That is the first time I remember just hating my body. I felt worthless. Here were all of these cute, short, skinny girls having fun at my house while I, 'the jolly green giant', sat in the bathroom and cried. 

It seemed like no matter what I did, I didn't lose weight. I tried 'eating healthy' {as much as that young of a child can try- I couldn't cook}. I was playing sports. But I wasn't changing. By 6th grade I had resigned myself to being 'the fat kid'.

Junior high rolled around and my body began to change. I was playing more sports and becoming really good at them. I lost a lot of weight between elementary and junior high school. I remember going back to school and receiving so much positive attention for the weight I had lost. A boy probably even had a crush on me! It was intoxicating. 

Flash forward to high school. My athletic career continued as did my success in that realm. I was playing school sports as well as club sports. I made the varsity basketball team and was starting by the end of the year. I had always been a straight A student and that continued. I had more friends. I may have even had 'a boyfriend'. All of these things seemed so drastically different and I thought it was because of my weight. 

I became afraid of letting that go. I was obsessed with not gaining weight. This continued throughout high school. There were days where I would run to school {with my backpack}, go through my day, to school sport practice, to club sport practice, get a ride home, and do homework. I was 'burning the candle at both ends'. I started to lose weight.

By the end of high school I was somewhat 'popular'. I was friends with many different sorts of people. I had been 'in love'. People were talking about how I was pretty. Again, I thought it was because of my weight. Also by the end of high school, I began restricting my food intake. I would go entire, busy, days having only juice for breakfast and a 'salad' {plain lettuce} for lunch. Because I worked out so much I had a lot of muscle and my weight loss wasn't that drastic to people at school. My parents knew something was going on. They made comments about how little I ate at dinner. They were so concerned they said something to my doctor. I remember him saying to me that if I continued to lose weight I would have to 'get help'.

There was no way I was doing that. Perfect people don't 'get help' and being perfect was all I had. 

I started to eat more and slowly regain the weight. I kept obsessively exercising. At night, when my parents were asleep, I would stay up and do exercises in my room. There were days that I was just so tired but I HAD to keep going. I remember being so miserable that I saw a therapist but when she wanted to talk about anything related to body or weight I would shut up. I think I saw her twice.

I went off to college somewhere I hated my first semester. I was in a relationship and, somewhat unbeknownst to me, was being cheated on. I lived an hour away from my friends and family. I was deeply depressed. I wasn't eating. I think I existed on graham crackers and diet coke for about three months. I would eat other things- lettuce, cucumbers, carrots- but only on occasion. I was afraid of everything. Plus, I got mono and strep in my kidneys. I called home crying all of the time and wanted to go home every weekend to see the person I was dating. I told my parents that I wanted to come home but they wanted me to 'stick it out' a year. I knew that something was wrong. I think I was hoping my parents would figure it out and help me because I wasn't helping myself. 

I remember coming home one weekend and my parents being shocked at how thin I had gotten. I looked disgusting. I told them it was because I thought I had mono. My dad didn't believe me. I knew something was wrong; it wasn't like me to sleep all the time. I went to the doctor and, sure enough, I had mono. And strep in my kidneys {who knew that could happen}. See, dad.

I went back to school and finished my semester. I had looked to transferring and applied to a school in the cities. I was accepted and moved in with the person I was dating {even though I knew I was being cheated on}. I decided I wanted to play volleyball and began 'getting in shape'. I was running miles a day. They suggested not drinking soda so I stopped drinking diet coke. All I drank was water. I don't remember what I ate because I was only doing it once a day. Volleyball started and I was shocked because I wasn't as good as I had been. I blamed the mono. My right knee was also an issue. It felt like it was going to explode all of the time. I kept getting hurt. So, I decided to quit. 

Fast forward a few years and I had made a new group of friends. They were smart, funny, and popular. People wanted to be around them. Our group of friends was 'cool'. We were 'hot' {ugh...so gross to think about this now}. We were each also quite unhealthy in our own ways. We went out all the time. We partied a lot. I was getting even more attention and engaging in it every chance I got. I knew I wasn't happy inside but no one knew. I kept it a secret for a long time. I would say that, out of about eight people, three of us definitely had eating disorders and there is one person who, now, I definitely think had one as well. But we didn't talk about it. Just about 'how we would rather be skinny than happy'. 

Wow.

One of those friends got help for her eating disorder. She went to The Emily Program. One weekend she asked me to go to a group with her where each client could bring a support person. It was a moving experience. First, I was so grateful that she invited me. I was so proud of her for getting help. But I was also moved because I could identify with everything the clients said. This was when I knew I had an eating disorder. One would think that I sought help then but...I did not.

I kept it up for a couple of years. It was exhausting. I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown at any moment. I was always scared; never happy. I kept it pretty quiet though I would talk to this friend about it on occasion. I sought validation in many unhealthy ways. I also found out that I had no cartilage in my right knee.

And finally I broke down. I told my friends that I had to move out of the house some of us shared. They were mad at me but, at that point, I just couldn't do it anymore. I moved back in with my parents because it felt 'safe'. My mental health continued to deteriorate. I got so low that I didn't think my life was worth living. I had a few friends die in high school and remembered the pain of those around them. It kept me alive. 

I started to see an individual therapist who I didn't really connect with but thought was helping. So I stopped because...I was better, right?

Wrong. This personal hell continued for a few more months. I met someone who was going through something called DBT. I had no clue what it was so I looked it up. And I saw who it could help. I started to research those conditions more. It was incredible. I wasn't wrong! I wasn't defective! I wasn't crazy! More importantly, I wasn't alone!

I did an intake and started group the next week.

Back to my friends- it was an unhealthy situation. For me, it was toxic. I couldn't do it anymore. While it was hard to leave this group, I was beginning to realize I couldn't get healthy and be in that group of friends. So I left. Some people I tried to communicate my decision to {not very well received} and others I just stopped talking to. I could have handled it better looking back but, at the time, I didn't know how.

Long story short, DBT saved my life. It helped with my depression and anxiety. More importantly, it helped me with my eating disorder. I began to see that life was about so much more than being 'pretty' or 'skinny'. I began to realize that I had goals and dreams which I could achieve. I didn't think anything but misery was possible for quite some time. I found my life worth living!

I made new friends. Ended a relationship which was quite hard on me {we're best friends now...just not good together at the time}. Moved into my own place. Went back to school.

I started to like myself.

It was weird.

And here I am. My life is incredible. I am so grateful to be out of that dark place. Each day I feel really blessed for everything I have because I know what it's like on the other side. I have an incredible group of friends who like me for who I am. I have a great job at The Emily Program. I am almost done with my Master's degree. I get to help people on a daily basis. I love it. And I feel so blessed to be part of their journey. 

Guess what?

I even kind of like my body these days.

Not everyday is sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes I still have those disordered thought. I know I still struggle with my self-perception. But now I have the tools to recognize and deal with them.

So, today, I will be body positive. I will celebrate my body for all that it does for me. It carries my forward on my journey. It allows me to laugh, hug, love, cry, lift objects, and so many other things. More importantly, I will remember my past; but I won't stay there. I will be thankful for all that has happened and let the memories serve as a reminder. 

If you are still reading this, will you join me?

{KH}

p.s. Thanks for reading this. This is the first time I have shared this story with many people. It was cathartic.

To the Beat of My Own Drum

{SS} here!

Happy Friday...


I've been thinking a lot about {style} this week... what it means to me, what it means to others, what it means to others means to me... deep stuff. But really...

{I believed this was absolute style}

I found myself having a bit of a personal dilemma...
Okay, so obviously I love clothes, and fashion and shopping... That's all great and wonderful but it's also something that I am a bit ashamed of. Why? Because there is so much more to me than that! And, I struggle with the fact that sometimes I feel like my family and friends think less of me because of my interests in style...


Okay, let me back up a few steps...
I grew up in a very intellectual family: writers, artists, musicians... you get the idea. I grew up going to museums and concerts, reading poetry and writing in my journal. But, I also grew up wanting to wear high heels, tight jeans, makeup, jewelry and glasses (not sure about that one...). I grew up wanting curly blonde hair and to change my name to Lindsay or Becky. I grew up with a super stylish imaginary friend named Ashey who lived in California with her boyfriend but came to visit me for weekends. I grew up admiring the moms of my friends and neighbors who wore makeup, stylish clothes and their hair in trendy cuts.

Little brother and I boating

And then I find myself asking some questions...

Is it possible to be an intellectual fashionista? To be an eyeliner addict who loves to camp and fish? Can I love headbands as much as my headlamp? 

Can I be an avid novel and memoir reader but also subscribe to fashion magazines? Can I love visiting museums as much as I love visiting outlet malls? 

The answer is YES!! I can. And I need to be confident enough in myself to realize that my family and friends can see this too. So, as I obviously had no problem doing as a little girl, I'm going to take this insecurity by the hand and walk to the beat of my own drum... 

Taking a break from tap dancing (note the shoes) to the beat of my own S drum !

And yes, I think I can be an Intellectual Fashionista :) 

xo, SS